Every month since you’ve been gone, the third of the month rolls around and it hasn’t gotten a damn bit easier to deal with. Last month we welcomed a new little orange guy into the family, and while he has done so very much to help our hearts heal, his presence makes your absence all the more painful. You would have loved each other, I know this, and I know that if you were still here with us we probably wouldn’t have been looking for another kitty, but dammit, I’m selfish and I wish we could have you both. I think of the fun you two would have with each other, bouncing around the room, chasing each other up and down the stairs, playing hide and seek with the shower curtain, watching the fat squirrels as they busy themselves with preparing for the winter.
It’s cold out now, and there’s talk of snow this weekend. The holidays are here, with Thanksgiving behind us and Christmas not too far away, and I remember how much you always loved this time of year, the tree and decorations, the boxes and bags that would arrive from near and far, some with special gifts just for you, the long weekends where we’d hang out watching movies, reading books, or just snuggling, warm and happy with each other’s company, thankful for the gift of each other. It’s hard, little man. We are so happy and absolutely smitten with your little brother, but it doesn’t change the fact that we miss you so much.
I dreamed of you last night. I walked to the house and you were stretched out on a bracket on the front, perched like a library lion. When you saw me approach you stretched and rolled over so I could rub your belly. And then your fur turned black, the stripes still showing, but that brilliant orange fading. Then your nose disappeared, then your eyes, those bright mischevous eyes that we loved so much, turned flat and lifeless before me. I turned and saw you and Kali as kittens, curled together in contented sleep just like you used to do. But I can’t erase the memory of watching you, in my dream, fading away. I think I’m afraid of losing the little bit I have left of you.
What a sweet and sad post. Dear Dubya, he would indeed have loved Kirby. Don’t worry, you’ll never forget how wonderful he was…he is embedded in your memory and in your heart. I think your dream might mean that you can let go of some of your grief, because it ended with him happy as a kitten…with his sister, who is now becoming Kirby’s good friend and companion. There are actually people who still believe that cats are interchangeable…”oh well, that one died, just get a new one”…but you know and cherish the specialness of each one. You don’t have to feel guilty for loving Kirby, either…there’s room enough in your heart for sweet memories of Dub as well as for pleasure in what we all hope will be a long happy life with Kirby. Hugs from quiltcat and kitties.
I’m so sorry for your loss, truly I am. I lost my baby boy about 5 weeks and just yesterday I cried again. I continue to look down at a door rather than up, where a human head would appear, my heart filled with hope that an orange ear (my boy was an orange cat too) will appear followed by a big pink nose, yellow eyes, white chest, bow-legged front paws will emerge and swagger over to me. It breaks my heart that it will not become a reality. I begged my other 2 boys to not leave me anytime soon as my heart wouldn’t be able to handle the loss. I didn’t think losing a pet would hurt this much. Hang in there, Jenn. You will never, ever forget him as obviously too much of him is around and inside of you.
I read the last two thirds of this post with watery eyes. I am the mommy of two pups, and I can only imagine the sadness you feel. Your boy was beautiful. ::hugs::
You are making me weep, here.
He was a beauty and obviously a very special, irreplacable being.
Kirby is so lucky to have found a home where such love resides.
Thanks so much, everyone.
Your post was heartwarming but sad at the same time. 11 years ago this week I had to let me sweet guy go. He went downhill from kidney disease within a matter of weeks & I could no longer see him suffer so had to say goodbye. “Sparky” was an orange tabby, just like Dub & Kirby & I enjoyed 17 wonderful years with my boy! Ginger tabbies have an amazing character, unlike other breeds of cats. A dab of Garfield, a huge heart & enough tenacity to enamour but not piss us off…the perfect combination! I still miss my buddy & often remember the special times we had together. The cat Gods have in fact rewarded you with Kirby for all your “feline generosity”!